Quantity, Quality, or Crap?

Rip City’s two alternative weeklies recently published their takes on VFM dining. Portland Mercury went for quantity, reviewing some 100 Portland happy hours. Unfortunately, even a cursory glance at their list reveals a phone-it-in mentality that results in, for example, touting the Rockin’ Crab Cafe’s SE Division location, which has been closed for at least a month.

The Taiwanese hot pot: sliced beef, row stuffed fish ball, pork intestine, clams, corn, tofu, white mushrooms, Enoki mushrooms, and Napa cabbage at Rockin Crab

Another instance of sloppy and sedentary research involves touting Kachka’s bar service-only happy hour, but not even mentioning Kachinka where you can eat much the same food for happy hour prices all night long anywhere in the restaurant, and drink their signature Moscow Mule for the $6 Kachka happy hour price all the time.

Spreads for dark bread at Kachinka

Willamette Week takes the opposite tack after waiting two years to update its Cheap Eats guide. It seems that WW week has joined the “we know best” crowd by announcing that “there is such a thing as too much choice” and then declaring that they, in their infinite wisdom, have “tried to make things easy on you” by coming out with a severely truncated list of the places they think you should eat. The list is divided into food categories and further delineated geographically so that the dining public does not need to trouble their pretty little heads about deciding where to eat, since “an abundance of options just means more stress” (huh?).

Colorado Taco - shredded pork, house adobo sauce, matchstick potatoes, and stella mild sauce

The result is a list short on options and full of lazy mendacity. For example, WW waxes rhapsodic over mediocre La Panza’s New Mexican fare while ignoring Stella Taco’s superior food and comparable prices or Xico’s VFM Wednesday through Sunday lunch (as well as their superior happy hour, which, you will probably not be surprised to learn, is also absent from Portland Mercury’s list.

Bottom line: Tired of incorrect and condescending bullshit from Rose City’s alt weeklies? Go with MagoGuide for all your dining requirements. Oh, and we can also help you with Barcelona, Northwest Montana, Pantelleria, and the UK. and they can’t.

Morgan Hart

MagoGuide.com was launched in 2011 as a website and virtual storefront to showcase Patti's software and Morgan's content. Dedicated to slow travel, culinary excess, and ripping good yarns, MagoGuide is the digital scriptoria for the Mago Scrolls, Morgan's historical fiction series about the Punic Wars in general and one Mago of Syracuse in particular. Although Morgan has written a great deal of non-fiction over the years in the form of specialized journal articles, book reviews, op-ed pieces, and (his personal favorite) the most unpopular coffee table book in the history of the planet, he always viewed himself as a happily frustrated novelist. Get more information about Morgan's novel and travel writing at our Products page.

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